Prayer

The most precious thing we have is to be able to talk to God, to pray.
He hears all we say and will always reply.
The answer may be "No" or it may be "Yes".
Still, the answer could be "Wait".

We pray for those we love.  That they will hear what Jesus is saying to them.
That they will take His perfect path.
That they will be protected wherever they go.

But how do I pray for my child who is unaware of decisions, who has no future goals?

She does not fight the good fight like her siblings.
She does not decide if something is right or wrong and then make a choice between them.
She does not resist temptation, for she can't be tempted by satan.
She doesn't understand or know these things.

How do I pray for the one who will not ever live on her own. 
Who will not have her own home or a job with challenges.
Who will not travel alone or go to a mission field far away.

These are all things adults may come to do that a Mom includes in her prayers.

When the prayer around the table is said she cannot add any request.
She can't ask for strength to get through a difficult time.
There are no words she can use.
She only knows security, love, joy and satisfaction in her life.

This is my prayer for my daughter:

Lord, use her today in whatever way you desire in the lives of those around her.

Whether it is a thought she brings to mind, a reminder to make amends

 or to just make me stronger. Use her to cause others to hear Your voice,

 what You are calling them to think or do.

Help others to think about the purpose of this life, about heaven and hell.

To teach them to show love and to know a compassion they didn't know they had.

She is what she is, Lord.  She is here on earth by your design.

Work in and through her, for she is an open vessel protected by you.

I thank you that satan cannot tempt or use her to work anything for bad.

She is unable to sin but she is of this fallen human race.

A race of people who kill their own, who cheat, steal and destroy.

She is a part of this fallen world but she is unaccountable.

She cannot answer for this sinful state.

God use her innocence and openness to work Your glory

 in the world around her and to further Your kingdom.

There are many who will never work for the kingdom, as you planned.

 Before a breath was breathed they were taken out of this world.

She has work to do here.

You know what it is.

Help me to not get in your way but to work by Your side.

Lord, may Your will be done in her life.

In Jesus' name I ask this, Amen

Thought:   There is a plan for each life whether they are allowed to come into this world or not.

Conception: The beating begins

"This is Sarah.", my relative introduced.
Visiting in their home, he barely gave a side ward glance.


"They have a test for that, to find out if a baby is normal.",
he stated as he walked on past.


Excited to see them, I didn't really comprehend his full meaning.
We went on to chat, she and I.  Sarah rode in her stroller down the
country road as their story was told.

They could not get pregnant. Two terminations and several
miscarriages.  Yet, the timing of that perfect baby will surely come.
I wondered what will be the cost?

How many have heard, "The baby will have a disability." 
As you wait you fear all kinds of things. 
Then the perfect baby arrives and the physician
sighs, "I guess I was off, there is nothing wrong with this little one."

To interrupt the beating of a heart is to kill the heart...the life.

The thought of life beginning or life ending brings out our deepest emotions.

As I left that day, the pain of his attitude went deep inside.

Can they not know that she is our flesh and blood.
Can they not see that we love her no matter what.
That she has a beating heart.
That we love "Her", not the things that are wrong with her.
This child, who is part of us.

It is hard to know the joy given by one who takes so much care.
One who will always be dependant.
One who is so limited in how she lives.
One who will not make one intelligent comment.....ever.

They cannot know the intense love that is deep in your soul.
For her to have surgery and let her go.  She doesn't know.
They cannot know the fulfilling joy of seeing her smile at you each morning.
Her eyes twinkling brightly as her love is shown.

God created the heart.
It begins beating at conception.
When that rhythm is interrupted, the heart is dead...the life is stopped.

A beating heart means joy and happiness no matter how the body
is around the heart. 

Truth is Truth.
Life is Life and God formed each one.




Psalm 139:13
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my Mother's womb."



____________________________________________________________________

Communication

The bus's "backup beep" that we heard each morning meant good times for Sarah.
It meant "I had better have her ready to go!" for me.

Noises communicate.  Touch communicates.  Actions communicate.

The interviewer asked, "Does she communicate?"
That was never a yes/no question to me.
I would explain how we know what she wants and needs.  We can read her eyes and facial expressions.
She also vocalizes.  The interviewer would mark "No" anyway.
There was no place for anything but Yes/No on the tests and reports.
No room for "unique".

An older teacher stated, "The goal should be for her to communicate "yes" and "no".
I thought, "Are you kidding?"
I argued that at three years old I have not seen any evidence to believe that she could do this.
Someone like our child had never been in their school. We were paving the way.

Emotional anxiety came with knowing what your child needed but having to convince others who
believed they knew what was best.  To deal with laws, forms, regulation, goals, annual plans, caseworkers and teachers became overwhelming.  It was hard not to become very angry when someone would not listen. "I know her, I spend alot of time with her." I would explain.

Twenty years of meetings has taught me patience.
I don't know how many of those well thought out goals were met.
I do know that without all the help in the schools our child could not have progressed as far as she has.

Many people helped us through the years: nurses, speech therapist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, superintendents, principals, classroom teachers, LD teachers, bus people and many paraprofessionals.

Sarah loved school, riding the bus, seeing the kids, talking with the adults and all the activities at the schools. I am so thankful for the schools.

Many children in the schools loved her and helped take care of her.
I believe all the people who knew Sarah at school will remember her throughout their life.
They will remember because she was unique.  Because she was different.

What did she communicate?

Differences

When a baby is born they have their own language.
The parents figure out what this sound means or what that look means.
They then go about giving the infant what they are "telling" them is needed.

The toddler can show happiness, sadness, anger or anticipation.
They use their arms to hit or hug, their legs to run or stomp
and their mouth to scream or laugh.

Then your child learns words and begins to know your own language.
The child becomes like you. You understand how they think.
You know what excites them and what scares them.

With our special infant we thought she was responding like a normal infant.
Then when we found out she was not normal we began learning her language.
And yes she has her own language.

Big, bright eyes mean she is happy.
A frown with intense eyes mean she is hurting.
Searching eyes mean she hears someone she knows.
Her many facial expressions always mean something.

She can be anticipating something or she can be excited to see someone
or she is very interested in something she might see or hear.

We "know" her communication better than anyone...still, it can be so
strange and unfamiliar.

She can laugh hysterically over a certain sound.
Like when her brother and sister made a balloon squeal as the air came out.
She can get wild and crazy playing in the stander and knock off the tin pan
she was playing with only to laugh at the loud sound it made hitting the floor.
She can vocalize with loud sounds at inconvenient  times.
Like when we are watching T.V., her brother will then say, "Be Quiet!"
and push at her arm.  Then we say, "Quit Daniel! Leave her alone."
Either way no one heard the T.V. But Sarah is still happy!

Only Jesus knows what things mean in Sarah's language.
He will tell us one day.
But will it matter in our heavenly home?
Will it matter that we did not know what she was thinking?



It is a short time on this earth and an eternity in our heavenly home.

Humility

Humility is putting others needs before your own.
I thought I was doing this, after all I was always doing for others.

Did I honor them? or were they just a chore to complete?

Humility is being willing to go through the hard times.
To do things for others...really for others even if no one sees it or thanks you for it.

I had pride.

Pride said, "My way is the best way."
                  "I know what God wants."
                  "My timing will work better."
                  " My feelings are most important."

Pride will destroy and take people away from you.
Pride tried to steal our marriage.

"I am sick and tired of all her care."
"I deserve to be treated better."
"I deserve to have my own time."
"I deserve to be happy!"

Pride can thread its way through many generations.  It becomes hidden.
The lies are believed and soon the lies become truth to the third and fourth generation.
That thread can choke.

Pride said, "I want you to do my project."
                  "I feed her all the time, you feed her this time."
                  "You pay the bills, I am too tired."

Did I put myself in his shoes?
Did I know what it was like at his work?
Was I treating him like I wanted to be treated?

Pride is the secret invader.  It wants you to stand tall and let your rights be known and fought for.
Pride wants you to think you are being unselfish when down deep its all about you.

Jesus was willing to do the hard thing, the undeserving thing, the humbling thing because
He loves us more.

Jesus could have had pride.
He was the creator of all things...but He was more concerned with His relationship with us.
He wants us to be with Him in eternity. 
So He humbled himself.

How then can we have the right to be prideful?

Humility can save a relationship.

To My Dad

How very much I love you Dad.
You are there for me to protect me,
to lift me and to sit by me.

I couldn't make it on this earth without you.

You are my strength when I can't move.
You are my eyes when I can't see.
You are my voice when I can't speak.
You are my legs when I can't walk.

I need you for so many things.
I can't wait until we are together in heaven.

In heaven I will run to you and hug you
with all my might and say, "I Love You, Daddy!"
I will twirl, jump, and lift my hands in joy.'

Then we will walk together to the throne to receive
your reward for all you have done for me.

I will be so proud of you! You are my Daddy!

Love, Sarah Kristeen


Isaiah 35:5-6
"Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
 Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue will sing."


II Timothy 4: 7-8
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord
 the righteous judge, will award to me on that day."

The College Girl

College...classes, grades, friends, fun, leaving home and getting a job.

We were so very blessed that many came to find their job at our home.
Some came to give to us, others needed what we could give to them.

College girls are energetic, joyful, strong and willing to learn!

How to feed.
How to bath.
How to do range of motion.
How to deal with seizures.
So much to learn for someone so young.

Our daughter only knew hands that played, touched and cared. 
She only had total acceptance to give. 
She never rejected or judged she only smiled and loved.

What did they learn from our family, our home, our struggles.
What did they take with them as they launched into their own lives.
How will God use the experiences they had with our special child?

Will God give them a child with only a few needs or a child as severe as ours
when they have a family of their own?

Will they ever meet another person with a disability or will they have
extra love for each one they meet whether on the street or in the church?

How will God use this ministry in our home?
So many helpers, so many hours, so much blessing, so much stress.

Yes!  The Lord knows how each one will need this knowledge.
This knowledge of valuing a person no matter what that person can do.
This knowledge of what is really important in this world full of walking,
talking human beings.

Is she human?  She can't care for herself in even the smallest detail.
Left alone she would die.
This dependency, this innocence is hard to see as a gift of love.
Can they see the eternal lessons?

The smiles, the sounds of joy that only she can give make their way to
each heart that enters our door.  Many young women have a special love for her.
This love will then abound more and more and touch others as they go on in life.

The value of human life.
The worth of a person.
The joy that can come from one that is so helpless.
These are the things that she has taught each girl who has come to our home.

Maybe Jesus meant for her to teach them in a lesson of humanity
that no one else could teach.

Maybe Jesus has used her to teach much harder, much more important
lessons.....eternal lessons in unconditional love and acceptance.

I wonder what God will do in each life?




Psalm 139: 13-16
"For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I will praise You because I am unique in remarkable ways.
Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.  My bones were not hidden from You
when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned
before a single one of them began."

Raising Children

To know that you did things right.
To know that all that work paid off.
To know your heart's desire.

You work all your life with the one thought, to make a life.
It seems that it was for nothing.
Take a look through God's eyes.
He has something different.

He saw your pain.
He saw your heart.
He knew why your road was hard.

Still water runs deep.
It's hard to know what is kept inside.
What was caught as we taught.
How will they react in life?

How will they use their talents?
We leave it to Jesus.
We can take no credit. They were His all along.

Only by His guidance and strength did we set a good example.
Only by His protection were they safe.
We can never take credit for the handiwork of God.
He made them and He will protect and keep them.