Each Day...

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Each day is a day that God has given us,

and each moment of that day is in His hands.

 

Roy Lessin

 

 

 

 

"May the God of hope fill us with all joy and peace."   Romans 15:13

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Grace

 

Whatever God asks you to lift, He gives you the grace to carry.   

                                                                                            Roy Lessin

 

 

 

 

My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Cor. 12:9





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My prayer for Sarah

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Help Sarah to fulfill your will for her on this earth.  Help her to be used in other peoples lives for the furthering of your kingdom.  Help her to go to the places you want her to go and to accomplish the work you have planned for her since before she was born.  I pray that nothing will prevent her from bringing glory to your name. 

 

Give Sarah the care she needs physically and socially.  Provide love and attention to her through those around her.  Help Sarah to remain strong and healthy as she ages.  Give those around her wisdom when she is in a time of need.  Help us to trust you with her life in the times when only you can see what she needs. 

 

Thank you, Jesus, for Sarah and all the joy she has brought to our lives!  Thank you for using Sarah to make me a better person.  Thank you for providing all we need to care for Sarah.  Give us, as a family, strength, wisdom, selflessness, patience, joy and confidence in your Holy Spirit's power to keep this family strong and to be used for your mighty kingdom, now and in eternity. 

 

Thank you for surrounding Sarah with your presence at all times!!          

 

In Jesus name, Amen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As a mother of a 24 year old child who has never communicated verbally to me, I am in a state of wonder often, wondering what does she know, what does she remember, what does she want me to do and even wondering if she loves me. 

 

My sense of responsibility toward Sarah is very strong and makes it very hard for me to allow others to care for her unless I have trained them and I am in control!  I have a need to be sure Sarah is not in pain, such as her glasses pinching her nose or her shoes on too tight.  I want her to feel good, to feel safe and to be happy.  I can get very angry if anyone prevents me from making her life the best possible. 

 

I have a fear that we may not be near when a prolonged seisure takes place.  I sometimes ask the Lord how He is going to take Sarah home... or me home....because one way or the other I am going to be separated from her...after 24 years of feeding, dressing, entertaining two people.  Still, I believe that when we die all that will matter is what we did for Jesus and any trials on earth will be forgotten because heaven will be so wonderful and beyond our imagination. 

 

Sarah is on loan to us and I must hold her with an open hand while standing on the Rock in the shadow of  His Wing.

 

 

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Isaiah 26:4  "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal."

 

 

Psalm 17:8  "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings..."

 

 

Psalm 16:7  "I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me."     NIV

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Live your life for Jesus in the place where you are.

"It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are.  But it's absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace.  His purposes are not random or arbitrary.  If you are still alive on this planet, it's because He has something for you to do.  He placed us on this earth for purposes that He orchestrated long before we were born (Eph. 2:8-10).  Do you believe you exist not for your own pleasure but to help people know the love of Jesus and to come fully alive in Him?  If so, then that will shape how you live your life in the place where you are." 

 

 

Forgotten God by Francis Chan, page 92

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave

 his one and only Son, that whoever believes

in him shall not perish but have eternal life. NIV

 

 

 

 

 

A twenty-six-word parade of hope: beginning with God, ending with life, and urging us to do the same.  Brief enough to write on a napkin or memorize in a moment, yet solid enough to weather two thousand years of storms and questions.  If you know nothing of the Bible, start here.  If you know everything in the Bible, return here.  We all need the reminder.  The heart of the human problem is the heart of the human.  And God's treatment is prescribed in John 3:16.

 

 

                            He loves.

                                  He gave.

                                                 We believe.

                                                                    We live.

 

 

 

 

Taken from Max Lucado's 3:16 New Testament (2008)

 

 

 

 

 

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The Son will always shine through the sin of the world.

 

                                                 



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Taken from, Walking by Faith by Jennifer Rothschild

(Jennifer is blind) 

 

 

 

"Walking by faith is living in a reality not yet seen.  Relying on sight--as

 

paradoxical as it sounds--blinds us to God's best.  By sight, we step over God's

 

hidden treasures that only the eyes of faith can see.  Most of us never learn to

 

walk by faith until we learn to walk in the dark.  We don't lean on God until fear

 

 makes us feel shaky and weak."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Love, Forgiveness and Power

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God is love

love is in me

God in me


Jesus is forgiveness

forgiveness in me

Jesus in me


The Holy Spirit is power

His power in me

The Holy Spirit in me


He is the Vine, I am the branch

If I am in Him and He is in me

I can have love, forgiveness and power

in everything I do





John 15:5  "I am the vine; you are the branches.  The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me."   Holman Christian Standard Bible


"I am the Vine; you are the branches.  Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit.  However, apart from Me (cut off from vital union with Me) you can do nothing."    Amplified Bible

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Fight with Faith, Hope and Love

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When in the heat of a battle use faith, hope and love.

      Faith that the promises are true.

      Hope that faithfulness to prayer will bring answers.

      Love that gives perseverance to win.

When tempted to quit because it is not fair use...

      Faith to not give up.

      Hope to stay in the Spirit.

      Love to be selfless.

When doubting God's plan because of the pain...

      Faith goes to His word.
     
      Hope strengthens the heart.

      Love acts to forgive.

Without these three fighting as one, failure would reign and sin could win.

Stand strong, continue to fight and always rest in His love.







I Corinthians 13:13  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  The greatest of these is love."              NIV

"In this life we have three lasting qualities: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love."                 J.B. Phillips New Testament

¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
                              The Message

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

                              New Living Translation

¹³ And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.

                             Amplified Bible

¹³ And now dwelleth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the most of these is charity.

                             Wycliffe Bible

God Will Meet You

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A puzzle to solve, a problem to tackle, a day to get through or a person to forgive.

Which might be our need?  What have we been praying for?  How does God want us to proceed?

We struggle, we are anxious, we feel discouraged.  We cry, "Hear me God.  I am frustrated, I am uncertain.  What are you telling me to do?"

He answers, "Dear one, I hear your every request and I see your every despair.  Have faith that I hear you and will help you.  Have confidence in me, don't doubt, don't feel rejected.  I am always near."

"Hear me, child.  Believe and go forward.  Trust and try that idea.  Obey and put your hand out.  Just start down the path I am showing you.  I will not show you the results until you begin...until I see your faith...until I see you step out."

"The praise will be sweet when you see how I will give you the solution to solve your problem...how I can give you motivation and confidence...how acting on what I have shown you to do will be the answer. 

No problem or need is too small, if it concerns you, it concerns me."

Give God your need, listen for His voice, believe His answer and start out down the road in obedience.

He will meet you!
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"Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."   John 14:23

A Growing Garden

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God, you are the author of all growing things. 
       The delicate designs, the bold colors and the wonderful taste.

Your hand is in every plant that we see.
       Tomatoes that are round and firm.
       Peas that are many in one.
       Berries that are soft and sweet.

You have created so many different ways to bring joy to our lives.
       Through the plants that give food for our bodies.
       Through the flowers that give inspiration and hope.

We can make a place for plants in the soil.
       We can keep the weeds away from the roots and
       the insects from destroying green leaves.

Our labor gives the ability for your gifts of color, food and beauty
       to be in our lives.

We can be like a "well-watered garden", like a spring whose waters
       never fail.

We can have color and design in our lives with the sunshine and
       rain of Jesus and His power.

A spring keeps flowing, just as the Holy Spirit can keep flowing in
       our daily routines.  The "water" in our thoughts provide nutrients
       of wisdom, strength and love.

And fruit is produced as we draw from this water that never fails.





"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring
whose waters never fail."    Isaiah 58:11
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A New Focus

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This is the February interview continued. Questions 1-6 are in the previous April post.

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This past school year my niece invited my daughter and I to her High School literature class.   My niece was given the assignment to interview someone using twenty questions she had prepared in advance.  She asked me if I would come and speak about what it was like to have an adult child that requires total care.  I was excited to have others share in what I have experienced the last 23 years.  I also wanted God to use my daughter any way He wanted by allowing this class of teenagers to observe someone that was very different than themselves.  My daughter sat in her wheelchair beside me while we sat in front of the class.  My niece sat beside us asking the following questions.  I thought they were great questions and I enjoyed speaking about my daughter. 


7.  Did having Sarah change you as a person and your focus in life?

My answer to a class of teenagers was quick.  Yes, having Sarah has changed me as a person.   She is a blessing to our family.  We all have grown in many ways and have enjoyed all that she has brought to our family.  How do you tell someone so young something that changes you so deep?

It is hard to fully explain all that God has done through the experience of raising a child such as Sarah.  God used her to change me to be all that He wanted me to be and I am still changing as I care for Sarah.

When we knew the truth about Sarah our focus in life had to change.  We began to feel shock waves of adjustment quickly.  A whole new mind set was required in order to cope with what our family was now.

Shock wave #1:  The child we thought we had never was.  Sarah was never a healthy baby.  She appeared to be normal until her first seizure at four months.  God allowed her to come to us with special needs.  We did not have two healthy daughters.  Futhermore, we had no knowledge or experience to know what our new baby would be like.

Shock wave #2:  It can happen at any time.  In McDonalds, at church, at midnight, on vacation, at school or as you are going out the door.  It could be short or very long.  The second shock wave was the presence of seizures.  Life stops when a seizure occurs, we get her on her side, we watch, we wait, we think, "Are we going to the emergency room?  Are we going to loose her? How can we help her breathe?".  When it is over we are shaken emotionally.  We calm down.  We try to go on with whatever we were doing.  This can be repeated several times a day.

Shock wave #3:  We had no idea how long we would have Sarah on this earth.  "Is this the  seizure that will end her life?"  There was no internet to find information.  All the neurologist had to give us was two peices of paper from a textbook that had a few sentences  about Lissencephaly.  That information stated that children with Lissencephaly usually die before they turn one year of age.

These were some of the first adjustments that began to shape the new way we would live.


8.  How did you feel about having another baby after Sarah?

We were very excited!  When Sarah was 10 months old we decided to have another baby.  We knew that the doctor said there was a 25 % chance of reoccurance but we believed God was in control and we already had a healthy 6 year old.  If He wanted us to have another child with a disability then we would do that.  God knew what He was doing when he gave us a healthy baby boy.

9.  What were Sarah's experiences in the public school system?

I know without a doubt that Sarah would not be what she is today without all the teachers, paraprofessional, principals, superintendents, therapist and students in the schools that Sarah went to from 3-21 years of age.  Sarah needed stimulation from many people on many levels.  People make Sarah excited. 

I want to add more to what I said to the class.  We did not have enough hands, energy or knowledge to match what the school could do for Sarah.  I do believe that my education degree plus working in a school previously gave me the assertiveness that is sometimes needed to pave a way that has never been paved.  I did have to advocate for what was best for Sarah on many occasions.  As with any child, Sarah did well because she had parents who were very involved with her.  Sarah was always the most severe that a school had worked with.  I helped the school to do well with Sarah by providing equipment, food, information, etc.  I communicated with the therapist and gave input when needed. I was very involved with the I.E.P.  I believed God was guiding us to care for Sarah in the best possible way at home and at school.  God gave Sarah to us to teach and raise, the school was helping us.  The school helped make Sarah what she is today but I don't believe the outcome would have been the same if she did not have two very involved parents.  The school can never be parents.  Still, I am so thankful to the public school system as it is now as opposed to a few generations ago.  Today they help and accept children with disabilities.

Interview February 2012

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This past school year my niece invited my daughter and I to her High School literature class.  My niece was given the assignment to interview someone using twenty questions she had prepared in advance.  She asked me if I would come and speak about what it was like to have an adult child that requires total care.  I was excited to have others share in what I have experienced the last 23 years.  I also wanted God to use my daughter in any way He wanted by allowing this class of teenagers to observe someone that was very different than themselves.  My daughter sat in her wheelchair beside me while we both sat in front of the class.  My niece and my daughter's cousin sat beside us asking the following questions.  Because I thought they were great questions and I enjoyed speaking about my daughter I wanted to share this with others.   (I have added more thoughts and information to most of the questions.)


1.  Could you briefly tell us the medical definition of lissencephaly?


The word comes from two Greek words  lissos, meaning "smooth", and enkaphalos, meaning "brain".  If you look at a normal brain, the gray matter (cerebrum) has ridges and valleys in its surface.  In lissencephaly, the brain's surface is almost completely smooth.  The physical structure of the brain did not develop correctly during embryonic development.  Researchers believe that there are two possible causes of lissencephaly.  It may be caused by injury to the fetus during development or by a genetic mutation.  Like other disorders, lissencephaly can occur in varying degrees, some individuals can have partial lissencephaly and only have learning disabilities, others can be severe and also be associated with other deformities.  My daughter has isolated lissencephaly.

You can find information on the internet about lissencephaly describing different kinds of deformities and problems associated with lissencephaly.  Many children with lissencephaly do not live beyond the age of 10 years old due to aspiration of food or fluids (choking), respiratory disease, or severe seizures. Still, several children live much longer due to their disability being less severe. In addition good medical care, family environment, school involvment and physical and occupational therapy play a huge part in a child's development and how long they live.

Each child is different with their own unique problems.  Seisures are usually always a part of the child's life, some are very severe and unable to be controlled.  My daughter appears alot more involved and disabled on paper.  You would have a very limited knowledge of her if what you read about her was all you knew.  If you had only seen my daughter with your eyes you would not have a complete picture of her either. She has a personality like anyone. And like anyone it takes time to really get to know everything about her. 


2.  What experience did you have with people with physical or mental handicaps prior to Sarah's birth?


I did not have any experience with any disability at all.  My husband knew of an older man  that rode a bicycle around his town who did not have normal intelligence.


3.  How old were you and what other circumstances were happening in your life when Sarah was born?


I was 28 years old and my husband was 30 years old.  We had a beautiful five year old daughter. We were looking to buy our first home.


4.  What was your initial reaction to the news of Sarah's condition?


We thought we had a normal baby up until she was 4 months old.  There was only one thing that I couldn't figure out about her. It was her ability to see me and watch me when I would change her. We took her to an eye doctor who said, "There is nothing wrong with her eyes. Sometimes there are other reasons the eyes don't work."  That was around 2-3 months of age. Then at 4 months of age she had a seizure.  We began taking her to a hospital 2 1/2 hours away to see a pediatric neurologist.  We began the process of finding an anti-seizure drug to stop the seizures while having tests to find out the real cause for her to have had a seizure.  We are still believing we had a normal daughter and were quite naive as to what could be wrong. 

Two months later after a CT scan the neurologist told us the diagnosis of lissencephaly and explained the severity of it and the prognosis, all of which was really bad.  Our daughter was 7 months of age at the time of diagnosis.

The doctor left us in the room by ourselves after he told us.  My husband took it hard and had tears in his eyes right away.  He said, "I wanted her to be able to have her own life, her own family."  He was thinking of the big picture of her life while I bounced her on my lap and thought of what we needed to do to care for her now, to go home that day.  I was only looking at the details of now, she was a beautiful baby that I loved to care for.  I didn't think of the long term until later.

After we drove the 2 1/2 hours home we went to our own parents separately to tell them what was wrong with their granddaughter.


5.  Was there ever a question of keeping Sarah or of her living at home?     


No, she was ours and we wanted her no matter what.


6.  Have you ever met with another family whose child has lissencephaly?


Yes, at the hospital.  They already had a feeding tube while our child still ate by mouth.  Their family was not accepting of the child while we had great family support.  Every family and child is unique.  My older daughter did write letters to another sibling of a child with lissencephaly. 

The neurologist did not know of any group or place for us to get information about lissencephaly. He only gave us a copy of two pages from a text book that told about lissencephaly. That information said that children with lissencephaly usually died by one year of age. So we came home to wait for the unknown.

The lissencephaly network was just starting 23 years ago.  The internet was not there with information to help, only books or what the medical community told you.  The internet has made it possible for people who are faced with a rare disability to get information immediately and communicate with someone else who also has a child with it.  Also because of the disconnection between countries lissencephaly was thought to be very rare. Currently, there are lissencephaly groups in every developed country.  I believe that the technology of the CT scan and other advances that can actually find what causes mental retardation and developmental delays has brought to light many diseases that were there but had not been diagnoised.  In earlier years doctors just stated that the child was mentally retarded and left it at that since the technology was not there to find out more. The internet, technology advancements and the growth of physical and occupational therapies has made a huge impact on the disability community.

To Be Sharp for Him

If a tool won't do what you want it to...you don't use it.  If a hoe is unable to pull up dirt, or kill a weed...what good is it?  Can it be called a hoe if it cannot do what a hoe is made for?  A hoe must be  able to move dirt, to make a special place for the seed, to kill the weed that threatens the growing plant, to continue to create an environment for the plant to mature.  The fruit on the plant becomes food to give life.

All these benefits hinge on the hoe performing the task it was created to accomplish.  As a useless instrument, the hoe, will not move dirt or kill weeds...it is dull and weak.  The hoe cannot help to nurture the plant making the fruit...to give life to those who eat the fruit.  Sitting in the rain or in the corner of the shed it will rust and become even more dull and useless.  It is of no value to the master.

A working instrument that is being used, that is being obedient brings life, fruit, food, beautiful plants and exciting rewards.

A useless instrument, that is rebellious, that is selfish and corrupted brings bad taste, hunger, ugly, dry dust and regrets.

An owner can see the useless tool in the dark corner and begin to save it.  It can be sharpened and restored to serve it's purpose and begin to be used.  It can be made to be valuable to it's master once again.

The master can make all things new.

What does the master want you to do?  Are you fulfilling the purpose He made you for?  Will God use me if I refuse to be sharpened?  Have I determined that I like to be dull and weak sitting in the corner, that the easy life is for me?

Do we do what we were made to do?  Does the master use us in a noble place in His home?
Are we changing to become all He wants us to be?

I want to become the kind of tool that can be used for His glory and His kingdom...sharp, shiny, new paint and ready to work.  I want God to be proud of the instrument He is holding in His hand.

I will determine to be that which God is calling me to be.  I will step out in faith and do the hard thing.  I know He is always there with a loving smile to guide me...I only need to ask and listen.




2 Timothy 2:21     The Message

"In a well-furnished kitchen there are not only crystal goblets and silver platters, but waste cans and compost buckets- some containers used to serve fine meals, others to take out the garbage.  Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing."
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A Lesson from a Shadow

The shadow was perfect.  It was a sunny morning, the bird was eating at the feeder.  By the movement in the birds shadow he must have been very hungry.  I could not see the bird but I believed he was there.  I could not know for sure the bird was eating, but I had faith he was.

The movement and the detailed outline of the shadow was intriguing.  I could almost "see" the real thing in my mind.  I assumed the bird enjoyed the food by the vigorous eating movements.  I believed the bird was unafraid because he did not fly away.   I also had faith that the bird in the shadow had feathers.

I couldn't see the brightness or kind of color or the contour of his body.  However, I knew that the feeder was a finch feeder and finch birds are yellow and black.  This gave me an image to mentally add to the shadow.  When I walked to a new position I saw the bird as he really was.

I know Jesus is here beside me.  I can't see Him.  I don't know how tall He is or the color of His skin nor can I see the expression in His eyes.  However, I can see how He works in my life.  Things are that could never have been without His intervention.

I believe He is with me.  I know the peace He gives me.  I know the sustaining strength that is not my own.  I know the thoughts beyond my ability to know and how those thoughts bring success to impossible situations.  No, I can't see the details of the face of Jesus but I know He is smiling.  His word tells me He loves me, that I am His precious child, that He cares about every detail of my life.  I know that His arms are around me, holding me.  Sometimes they keep me from falling: other times they keep me going another day.  Still other times His arms hold me back...keeping me in His perfect will.

By faith I know Jesus is there with a loving smile just as I know the bird is there eating at the feeder.  The shadow cast an outline that gives me a belief that the bird is there.  The peace inside of me fills me with a calmness giving me faith that Jesus is with me.  Until I can walk to another position to see Jesus as I saw the bird, I will continue to believe and have faith from the evidence of His presence.  How glorious it will be to see Him as He really is!



I John 3:2

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known.  But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see Him as He is."
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Take a walk...

Is Jesus walking beside you?  Do you feel His presence and see His footprints?  Do you once in a while hit His hand as your arm swings to the pace of living?  Is Jesus reaching for you when you stumble?  Are you enjoying the scenery that is before you on your journey?  What is Jesus saying to you?  Is it a conversation of love and joy, of laughter and contentment?

To walk with Jesus, to see His approving gaze, to feel His reassuring touch and know His devoted love...this is what I desire.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Walk the road you are on with a spring in your step and expectancy in your soul.  Continue on your given path and enjoy your conversations with Him.  Turn and look Him full in the face and see His approving smile.  Look at the countryside He has provided just for you.  Let Him have the heavy things you are carrying, He won't mind.

Enjoy yourself as you walk in each town of daily activities, in each valley of trials and in each mountain top of pleasures, pick up the gold you find along the way.

Trust Him and believe Him when He says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."  Be confident of this as you approach the next fork in the road...He will point to the right way...if only you will ask.  You may only see Jesus vaguely, as looking in a mirror, but add faith to that image you see and He will become real, as real as the gold in your hand.


"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold - which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."                                               1 Peter 1:6-7







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A prayer for the oldest child.

I asked my oldest to reflect on her early years, when life was overwhelming for our family, she stated, "Mom, all I know is that you had your mind on other things." 

What other things?  Could some of those things been left undone?  Could I have taken my mind off some of those things to give her more time? 

My mind may have been on other things but my mouth was telling her what to do to help over and over. And she helped so much, what was her little mind feeling? 


Dear Lord,

Thank you that she has forgiven me for the mistakes I made.  Use those mistakes in her life for Your glory.  Shape and mold her to serve you in ways that will make a difference in Your Kingdom.  Use the experiences in her childhood to help her see more clearly, to think more clearly.  Use those hard and lonely times in her past to help her feel the loneliness and trials of others. Convict her to reach out for those who are hurting that you are drawing her to.  Give her the strength and wisdom to hear your leading and to complete your will.

Remind her of the blessings of her childhood and the love that others meant toward her.  Help her to see a panorama view of the generations, the trials, the things that created strongholds.  Give her the ability to see through the eyes of your heart.  Fill up her empty places and heal any open wounds.  Solidify her identity in you, her worth in you and her acceptance in you.  Strengthen her to walk upright with diligence and determination.
Give her an eternal perspective of her struggles in life now and keep your presence around her until she runs down that holy highway to the eternal place of everlasting joy.

I ask this in Jesus name, AMEN


Isaiah 35: 8-10
"And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness....They will enter Zion with singing....Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away."



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Believe Him

How did I change?  When did it happen?  The sanctification process...I can see it is happening.  I am a new creature in Christ.  My mind is renewing.

There was anger because I had to do something all the time. There was never time to rest or do things that I wanted.  Each minute was needed to meet some basic need it seemed.  Not a want but a need.  At least that is how I saw it then.

Now years later what would I have done different?  I learned that people relationships are important, that they make a difference.  I learned that some things really didn't take that long to do.  I moaned about having to do it longer than it actually took.  It was all in my attitude.

My attitude was one of me-ism.  "I" was doing it all.  "I" never got to sit down.  "I" need to do this to be happy.  "I" need to do that to have a happy family. 
To get happy was the priority.

This changed, worshiping this god of happiness.  I learned that God did not put us on this earth to be happy.  To be happy is not our goal.  To glorify God is my goal now.  To live a life that honors Him and furthers His Kingdom is my aim now. 

I was sinking.  The trials were pulling me down into a sea of lies about how to live this life.  To keep my head above the water was a daily chore.  I needed to reach the lifeboat of truth.

The truth that is found in His Word.  The truth that is real strength for the journey.  The truth that mends relationships and raises godly men and women.  His truth is power to fight the me-ism that can keep us drowning in life.

He speaks to each one of us in our own unique situation with the truth of His Word.  The bible is the living Word of God.  It speaks to your crisis and tells you exactly what you need to hear during that specific time. This is how you can know His leading and feel His love and peace.  He speaks to your heart when you read His Word.

How can God love millions of people like each one is His only child?  He loves us just like a mother loves her newborn infant.  Everything is about that baby to a new mother.  She will not allow anything to harm that baby.  Her life revolves around the baby's care.  A mother will protect her baby with a fierce anger because of her love.  God gave that intense protective drive to her.

How could God create these qualities in the human mother and not have that intense protective love for His own children?  How could anything we do as parents for our own children be better than what the creator of all things would do for us, His children?

He loves us more than we can understand.  God does not need us to understand.  He only wants us to BELIEVE.



Hebrews 4:12  AMP  "For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power (making it active, operative, energizing, and effective); it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and (the immortal) spirit, and of joints and marrow (of the deepest parts of our nature), exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart."

Sanctity of Life Sunday

When I was still trying to accept what my life might be like I asked God,

"Why couldn't I have had a child with Down Syndrome?"

To have a child who could communicate, walk and laugh was something I could look forward to.  Possibly the child could learn to read and play sports.  A child with Downs Syndrome seemed practically normal compared to what I was being told to expect from my daughter.  A child with Downs Syndrome could love me back with big hugs and smiles.  The child could participate in play and enjoy the normal things in life.

What is it that God sends to earth to begin a life?  The physical parts of a beginning embryo is well known.  But what makes those cells begin to form a brain at just a few weeks after conception?  Is the spirit of a baby normal or disabled before God sends it to earth?  Is the task for the person to accomplish decided before they leave their heavenly creators side?

How can man make a decision about the worth of what God began?  What human pride, satanic deception or fear causes a mother and father to stop the growing within?  Why do we believe life is better with perfect people?  Jesus was perfect and He was rejected.

If someone accepted the perfect son of God as savior how can they then reject what He sent to earth because it is not perfect?  What reasoning says a perfect child is best?  Maybe because they are like us, they are not different, they are not scary or unknown.  We know how they will laugh and what they will sound like.  We know how they will play, how they will talk and how they will eat.  We are not afraid of the perfect child.  We know they will be like us.  That is what we want...someone like ourselves.

If they laugh different, if they walk different, if they talk different and if they look different we reject them. An animal will do that, pick on the weak or deformed, sometimes killing them.  God made us higher than the animals, with a spirit, in His image.  We marry our mates, unlike animals who have no formal way of honoring each other.

As we get away from God, His image, we begin to act like animals.  We live with who we like, we have babies whenever, we reject the imperfect, we think of preservation of self.  We abort 80% of all special needs babies, we abort 9 out of 10 Downs Syndrome babies.  All to have the perfect life by our own making.  All to gain inner happiness at all cost.  We want to pick what we think will fulfill our emptiness.

How many families are denied the joy of a different child, are denied learning what only that child can teach...are deceived to believe that ending that abnormal life is the best way.  Are persuaded to believe medical doctors who pretend to be all knowing.

Her parents were advised to put her in an institution.  They would not, they kept her with the other five children. She had Downs Syndrome.  Now, forty years later, many family members have been blessed by her love, innocence and joy of living life.  The Lord has used her for His purposes.  She is not perfect or the same as the other children, she is different.  No one would think of aborting her or denying her life now.

In trying to gain a greater happiness we only destroy the one chance we had to work with the Creator himself in fulfilling His purposes in a world that will soon be gone.  That little body is destroyed but that spirit that God sent to earth and was rejected is in heaven with many others praising God!

This life will last for a short time.  We must be brave, bold and trust in Him.  The reason many reject the imperfect or unwanted baby is fear...fear of the unknown. 

Perfect love drives out fear.  Jesus is perfect, do not fear.  He is in control of all babies.  The little ones are with Him, He knows them and had plans for them.  He had blessings to bring to many through them.

"Perfect" will never be a part of our fallen world.  For there is only one that is perfect and He will knit each baby together in the mother's womb until eternity.



Psalm 139:13  "For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb."

1 John 4:18  "There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, "

Full Circle

He has moved away.  It is time for him to start his own life.  This is what we have been working toward.  It is time to let go.  He is ready and able.

No more knowing exactly where he is or the details of all the activities in his life.  No more late night knocks on the door to tell me about his night and all that God is doing in his life.  We can't just take his car in to get it fixed, we have to ask him.

We are the ones to ask the "Why?" question over and over now!  "Why don't you...?", "But why not do this?", "O.K., but why are you doing that?"...."Why not do it my way?"

In exasperation after many nice explanations, he states, "Because I don't want to.  This is the way I want to do it."  We are seeing more clearly now.  If we love him we will let him go.  He needs to be his own man to make his own decisions.

The "mommy" in me has a hard time giving up her job of holding his hand tight to cross the road.  Now I must hold him with an open hand so he can come and go in the freedom of love.

Just as a bird leaves the nest by jumping off the edge, my son must also be allowed to jump.  Unless he feels the wind under his wings in the open sky or adjusts his wings to balance and glide how will he know the joy of flying...the joy of being his own person in Christ?

He is responsible and can make good decisions.  He is following Jesus each step of the way.  We have done our job for this season.  We now must switch to a different season, the season where we are parents of a man.

We have come full circle.  He can soar on wings like eagles... he can run and not grow weary... he can walk and not be faint because he hopes in the Lord.  The Lord has been requiring a little "letting go" of us each stage of his life so that now he is ready to go.

It is time for another circle to start, the circle of his own life.  He will be led by the one who knew him before one of his days came to be.  For Jesus knows the plans He has for him, plans to prosper him and not to harm him, plans to give him hope and a future.


Jeremiah 29:11    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
                               "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
                                 you hope and a future."


Isaiah 40:31         "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
                               They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not
                                grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

If you love me....

The day was busy for me, a lot to do with caring for children, home, animals and organizing "life".  The little boy being two or three years old was on the go, he had a big yard, tall trees, ducks, dogs, cats, chickens and toys to fill his day.  Still, he came to where I was doing the dishes and opened the cabinet under the sink.  He took out something that he couldn't have.

With dripping, wet hands anxious to get to work I stopped and asked him to put it back.  He looked up at me with his big beautiful eyes and said, "Why?" as he held on to what he wanted.  I gave a few sentences in explanation and stated again to put it back.  He replied again, "Why?".  More reasons were given.  He was not convinced.  He knew what he wanted and that is what he focused on.  "Why?" again.  Another try at helping him understand...but "Why?", he said yet AGAIN!  With no patience left at all I said in exasperation, "If you love me you will do what I say!"  Then like a jolt I was given the thought that this is exactly what God is saying to me!

God tells us what to do in His word and by His Spirit.  He tells us what is best for us.  He answers our prayers.  Still, we say, "Why?".  We continue asking, "Why?".  He continues to be patient with us...waiting for us to obey and then to receive his blessings.

Just as a mom knows the harm and danger from the things under the sink.  God knows the big picture of our past, future and present.  We forget that he does want the very best for us.  We want our own way.  We focus on the thing we think will make us happy and hang onto it.   The "thing" for me was to have an easy happy life, free of heartache, no suffering.

How many times can a child say "Why?" until consequences are required?  When is it time for the child to obey and the reasoning to be put aside?  How long will Jesus wait?  How many times will He give us another chance to obey?  When will Jesus give us our way and allow us to experience the consequences?  I am thankful that I chose to obey even if it meant letting go of the "thing" I thought I wanted.  The suffering allows many blessings to be possible in my life.

As a child must obey the parent.  We must obey God.  God knows what is "under the sink" in our life.  He knows what will harm us, what will cause pain.  He wants to protect us.  We may not understand God and what He is doing in our life but if we love Him we will do what He says.



John 14: 23, 24

"Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him, and we will come to him to make our home with him.  He who does not love me will not obey my teaching.  These words you hear are not my own they belong to the Father who sent me."