The sound became familiar. That sound of a seizure beginning. Your stomach tenses, you get up again, you watch and you wait. Will it be short or will we rush to the hospital. You try not to think about death but you wonder. Is this the time? How long will we have her? Will I plan a funeral tomorrow?
"No, I don't want to care for a child that is mentally and physically disabled!" I cried as I hit the water with my fist. Seizure meds on time. Seizure meds on time. Count and record the seizures, describe each seizure to report later. Will the medication work?
Daddy wanted her to have her own life and her own family. He sat with tears in his eyes. the news hit him hard. Mommy took the news differently. She just thought of the here and now, the next feeding, where to change her diaper. She still had her baby to care for and hug.
"You can call me at home if you need to." the neurologist told us. "She sure looks like she is doing well," he stated as he looked at her plump cheeks. This is the day the grief process began. The child we thought we had was gone. The new child we now have is one to discover.
Thought: Fear can take over and be your boss if you let it.
